Saturday, December 17, 2011

I have a crush on my friend, but is it too early to make a move. We're both recently single. GIRLS PLEASE HELP?

note (we're all in our mid 20's, in case that helps with answers). I have a roommate that moved in about 6 months ago. He started dating Janet (fake name) the same time he moved in. They only dated for 4 months, but in that time, she would come over and we'd occasionally interact. I was also in a very toxic relationship of close to two years with Zoe (also fake name). I actually had to call the cops on two occasions because of her. Meanwhile, I never saw Janet as anything more than an acquaintance. Well, I broke up with Zoe a month ago and she moved out of my house. During the end of the relationship, Zoe started to share details of our troubles with Janet, and Janet tried to help. When Zoe finally moved out, Janet calls me and asks to get a cup of coffee. She starts telling me comforting things, like how I'm a good person, and deserve someone better, etc. You know, things you would tell a friend to make them feel better. She also starts saying things like, "I was mad at you because you were really good to her. I wish my exes did stuff like that for me." She'll also flirt and say things like, hey y or hi baby, but that may be just her personality. I haven't heard her say that to any other friends yet, but then I haven't seen her interact with many friends yet. Of course at first I thought maybe she's just trying to be nice, but in the last 2 weeks, we've been hangin out literally everyday. Now, I'm very cautious of any "rebound syndrome" i might have, so I'm definitely not looking for a relationship of any type. But spending time with Janet has been not only uplifting but fun and exciting. We have similar humor, and it seems like there is a good chemistry. Sometimes she'll drop lines like "You make my day better" or "That's why I need you in my life." She's introduced me to her mother and brother, and had me over for dinner yesterday. She said her mother hasn't cooked for another man besides her father for a very long time. She also started saying things like how none of her exes were ever good role models for her brother. We even saw the first snow fall together, and she remarked that in her culture, when that happens, whoever you're with is supposed to be your true love. She's invited me over for Christmas with her family, and I'm supposed to go to a timeshare place with her and her friends for New Years. This is where my question comes in. Does Janet want a romantic relationship with me, and is just planting the seeds, or does she just want to be good friends? Am I looking too deep into the situation and Janet is just trying to be nice, or is there actually something going on? Right now I'm ok with being friends, but as I spend more time with her, I'm developing stronger feelings for her, and am starting to be drawn to her. I know it's much too soon to say anything, but everyday when we part ways, I end up thinking about her alot. My roommate knows that Janet and I hang out, and after we talked, he says he's ok with us being friends. I'm sure he suspects us being more than friends, but it was a short relationship. He even said it was cool if she came over, as long as there was no awkwardness. I do know that Janet has worries about Zoe finding out that we hang out. (They weren't great friends or anything.) Zoe can be very aggressive and belligerent, so I'm not sure if that plays a factor in Janet's feelings, if there are any. She has said she's afraid Zoe would come after her if she found out that we hang out. I haven't told Janet how I felt yet, but I do tell her that she's beautiful and that she deserves someone great. I plan on telling her in a couple of months, but even then, I might not. I would rather swallow my feelings than ruin a perfectly good friendship. Anyhow, if anyone out there can enlighten me on how girls think when it comes to guys as friends and as potential partners, I appreciate the help.

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